Father's Day
by hibiren
Summary: It was supposed to be a normal day at work, but when Sebastian didn't show up, it only took Joseph one glance at the calendar to know why. It's Father's Day. [repost from my ao3 account]


When Joseph arrived at work, he laid his notebook on top of his desk and sat down with a sigh. Sebastian wasn't there yet, but it wasn't unusual for him to run late every so often, especially if he'd had a particularly rough night. With the relentless work load they'd had in the previous week, it was understandable if he lagged behind a bit. Joseph would have usually been on his case about it, but given everything that had happened in the past four months, Joseph had to tread lightly when it came to the subject of Sebastian's coping habits.

It was Sunday, one of the days Joseph used to play catch-up if, in a time like this one, the papers required more time.

Before he forgot, Joseph pulled a sharpie out of his pen cup and crossed off the day on his calendar that hung over his desk: Sunday, June 17, 2012.

Father's Day.

He'd known the date sounded familiar, but it didn't immediately register due to his distractions for that morning. Maybe Sebastian just overslept, as usual. Maybe he was stuck in traffic, behind everyone who was trying to make it to church on time. Maybe he was just sick. Maybe he was having another argument with Myra... There were a lot of possibilities.

Joseph pulled out his cell phone and dialed Sebastian's number, holding it up to his ear and waiting. It went straight to voicemail. As a next option, one he wasn't too fond of, he called Myra. The phone rang four times before the voicemail picked up.

" _You've reached Myra Castellanos, I'm not available at the moment, but pl—_ "

Joseph snapped his phone shut and frowned. Of course she wouldn't answer either, even to Joseph. They'd been on good terms, until the accident. Myra started acting strange around both of them, and just stopped making sense in general, even disappearing for an entire week. Joseph understood, trauma really changes people. He tried to be patient when he could, but he worried more about Sebastian because of his difficulty expressing himself, which was dangerous for a man like him. It's not like Myra would know anything about Sebastian's whereabouts if she herself barely knew where she was, but it didn't hurt to try.

It was twenty minutes into their shift and Joseph tried to return his attention to the paperwork several times before bolting up, some papers flying free from his desk and onto the floor, where they remained. It was ridiculous, that he'd try to push things away like this was any other normal day when his instincts were screaming at him to go see how his partner was.

"I can't take this, I'm going to check on him…" Joseph muttered, mind racing with thoughts of the worst possible scenarios he'd come across.

Joseph called Sebastian's phone one more time on his way out the door, and when it went to voicemail immediately once more, he sighed quietly into the phone and began speaking. "Sebastian, it's Joseph. I just wanted to call you and tell you I'm coming over. I should have noticed sooner, that something was wrong, I'd been too focused on work to think about… ugh, I'm sorry…"

The drive to Sebastian's small apartment was a painfully slow one. As if every car in Krimson had decided to go out onto the road and keep him from seeing Sebastian. On top of that the incoming summer clouds brought more rain, which further obscured the roads from his view. He drove carefully, as carefully as one could when anxious about multiple things, and finally—after a near eternity—pulled off the main road and into the parking lot in front of Sebastian's apartment.

There wasn't any lights on inside, but Sebastian's car was parked in its usual spot, which was somewhat promising. Even if Myra's was nowhere to be found. Joseph climbed out of his car, dodging the rain as he darted up to the first door, the door of Apartment B120. He tried the doorknob and was surprised to see that it was unlocked. Joseph walked inside, slipping his shoes off by the door before walking further inside, flicking on a light switch as he advanced.

"Sebastian?"

Maybe he was in the bedroom. Joseph stepped around some empty bottles in the hall, a look of melancholy in his gaze as he caught sight of them. Sebastian really had been taking it rough, even if he'd tried his best not to show it while he was at work.

"Hey, Sebastian, it's Joseph. I just wanted to check on you…"Joseph said as he opened the door to the bedroom, catching a glimpse of Sebastian sitting on the floor, wilting over a cardboard box full of trinkets, a half-empty bottle of whiskey clenched in one hand.

"Go away…" Sebastian slurred, glaring up at Joseph with bloodshot eyes. A look of confusion crossing his face before he added, "I thought I locked that door…"

"No, Seb, but that's not important. I'm worried about you…" Joseph leaned down next to his partner and looked at him with pure sympathy. He looked as if he hadn't slept at all…

"Can't you see, I'm perfectly… fucking fine and dandy, since I've got my whiskey. Myra's gone again, so screw her... She thinks it's funny to leave in the middle of the goddamn night and not tell me… but… I've still got Lily." Sebastian gestured to the contents of the box: one charred and fraying baby blanket along with a faded picture of her on her first birthday, its corners curled and eaten away by flame… among other things Joseph couldn't bear to look at. He wondered how Sebastian could bring himself to keep such things, but he would never be able to understand the losses Sebastian had been through, so he had no reason to judge.

Tenderly, Sebastian picked up the blanket, running his thumb over the torn fabric. A tear slipped past his eyes, soon dissolving into pained sobs as he finally broke down. "Lily, I'm so sorry…"

Joseph put a hand on Sebastian's back, rubbing it gently as his partner wept, muttering soft words of comfort. Even if they were words and nothing more, it was all Joseph felt he could do. He didn't know what else he could do, other than simply be there for the other man as he struggled to keep himself together. He took a moment to stop rubbing Sebastian's back to gradually pull the bottle of whiskey from Sebastian's hands. Once his other hand was free he ran it over the blanket, not even bothering to complain, as he was completely lost in his mind, in memories of his past, when everything was normal… when everything was all together. He had a wife, a child, and a house, and a job he loved. And that's all they would be now, Memories. Even the house, he didn't have anything left of. Just a recovering patch of dead grass in Park Ridge with a mailbox by the remains of what used to be a driveway.

"Why am I still here, if everything I ever cared about is gone… It's Fathers' Day, for fuck's sake… and I have nothing to show for it."

"Don't say that," Joseph blurted, then added in a quieter tone, "Please…"

"You don't deserve to fucking tell me what I can and can't say! It's my fault Lily's… dead…" Sebastian choked on that last word, biting his lip so he didn't start crying again. "I spent too much time working, and Myra tried to tell me, but I didn't listen! I cared about my job more than my family and I paid for it. I worked overtime that day, Joseph. I was supposed to go home early! If I had—if I had… she wouldn't have…"

Joseph met Sebastian's tear-swollen eyes and stared blankly back, unsure how to respond as he sat there, his hand still on his partner's back.

"You… you can't focus on the if's, Seb, you have to focus on what is going on right here, right now. You're alive, and as long as you're alive, your daughter is, too, in your memories of her. And that's all that matters. Right?"

Folding the blanket, Sebastian kissed it at the corner before returning it to the box.

"And I'm here for you. If you ever need me," Joseph added, offering a small smile to the other man.

After a long moment of silence, Sebastian slid the box under his bed, although his gaze still laid on it.

"Sebastian? Would you like me to make you something to eat?" he tried, to change the subject.

"Not hungry."

"…Would you like me to leave?" he asked, testing his partner's reaction.

"Yeah."

"Okay."

Standing, Joseph walked up to the bedroom door before hearing the answer he'd been expecting.

"No, I… I changed my mind. Don't go."

"Alright." With a soft smile, Joseph sat back down on the floor next to Sebastian, who unexpectedly pulled him into a tight hug. He returned the hug after he registered what was going on, wrapping his arms around his partner, glad if the embrace would help his partner at all. The last time this had happened was… four months ago.

"Joseph?" Sebastian muttered.

"Yes?"

"Thanks…"

"You're welcome."

Sebastian loosened his grip on the other man, but not enough that Joseph knew to pull away. He wanted to wait, until Sebastian let go, before he let go himself. He could tell, this was something Sebastian really needed. And if it was something Joseph could do that helped, he'd do it. Sebastian didn't let go for another fifteen minutes, and Joseph realized it was because he'd drifted off to sleep. Shifting, Joseph leaned against the wall and moved Sebastian just enough that he could lean against his chest and rest there. One hand drifted up to run through Sebastian's hair, as a comforting gesture.

The rain that had been pouring outside let up just enough to spread a few rays of sunlight into the dark room. Joseph knew, there were going to be a lot of nights like this in his future, but he didn't mind. As long as he knew Sebastian would be alright.

A few minutes after Joseph changed positions to be against the wall, Sebastian buried his face into Joseph's shirt and held him tightly. Joseph smiled softly and leaned his head against Sebastian's, so they could stay like that until Sebastian felt ready enough to get up again.


End file.
